like what one thing could a person blog about? auto-correct? politics? the lies? childhood trauma? i have a cat. i have a kid. i have anger. i have pain. i resent carry the burdens of the generations before us as mankind. we all hurt. we all are valid/ deserving. its insane how much we actually are alike. all of us. we are all right and all wrong. i cuss but it isn’t lady like or cordial or respectful or professional, and it doesn’t fit in church, or look good as a parent. society as a whole decides this. so its true. bible says not to offend. so its true. i believe, on most days. i love my life today compared to being sexually abused and sexually frustrated and completely mental as a teen and a meth head young adult.
i think i’m blogging. i like it. its an online diary. a place of collected thought or recorded information. or both. and its instead of private, on display for all to comment,discuss,or whatever. nothing too personal. that is the difference. i wouldn’t go as far as to talk about wanting to be with a certain person, or that i had sex with someones person. would i? i just want a place to record myself in mother hood moments, and /or ask some deep and maybe disturbing taboo questions.
its not fair to be white these days. it was not fair to be african before i was born. for hundreds of years. also, egyptians and mayans, and samarians, and lots of sorted cultures alive at different times and in way different places far from one another…all painted ant like man gods from space. i also hear there is many stories of the god or gods sending a savior born of a virgin. but then isnt it evident god i real? isnt the world proof? how about the things that as a child i knew but could not have known…
my toddler is trying to do everything these days. I TALKED TO GOD THIS MORNING. I GUESS THAT’S PRAYER. IS IT OK IF I VENT TO HIM AND HE DOESN’T HAVE TO ANSWER. I MEan he may have answered a little bit. how does your spirit communicate to you? do you believe in the spirits of the universe? is god another spirit of many? are we random? does our god sit alone on a throne and watch us? is that even possible> ? humanizing god. bible says to hear the word an do it. he speaks to me through the bible. jesus gave me a hug once. i know our creator is real and exists and we exist because of him. are we afraid to speak freely? are we afraid to hear ourselves question when we know from being taught that we will go to hell or burn or be condemned or lose salvation? what is all that shit? seriously? is this just a fallen world? hat in a cat an sat on a bat type shit???
i started writing and didn’t know where id go with this. one minute god, another minute women’s rights. feminism. gods bible. man and woman. the obvious of answers. i like to ride dick but i’m not…not a what? what is a whore? what are these man made proclamations? when we stand outside the fucking box of mans religion and standards and rules. who is a whore? i have weird ideas because they aren’t from the norm of society. i was left to my own devices. i outcast and immoral. all is vanity. i smoke weed and am prescribed xanax. i feel so much better when i take all my meds. it sucks they’re bad for my liver. my kid is innocent and everything to him is peculiar and new. he is amazing. i love my life today.
Vann12's Playground 